A SAFE PLACE

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Fostering Hope

8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

When I was growing up, safety was the last thing on my mind. We didn't lock our house, left our car running when we made a quick trip into the store, and walked everywhere without our parents. Not only was my community safe, my home was safe. There were no locks on bedroom doors; no worries about what might happen when my dad came home, or what my mom might be doing in the next room. That's not true for every child. She was 10 when I met her. She still possessed a child's frame, with barely any evidence that she had begun the journey to womanhood. She looked fearful as she entered the exam room, and that fear increased in magnitude when I shut the door. I quickly explained that nothing would hurt, there wouldn't be any shots - assuming that like most kids, her concern was about seeing a doctor. But the look on her face didn't soften. I touched her arm, hoping to reassure her, but she recoiled as if I had punched her. I saw her glance quickly at the male medical student who was with me, and I began to understand her concern.

He and I had reviewed her basic info before the visit - the police report stated that she had been sexually abused by a couple of male family members for the last year. She had finally told her best friend at school, who told the teacher, and now here she was. Safe. At least from our point of view. But safety is not just a location, not just about being in a place where you aren't harmed. It is a state of mind. It is being in a mental place where a door closing doesn't cause your heart to race. It is being able to experience healthy, normal human touch without withdrawing. It is about being able to sleep without wondering when your night is going to be interrupted. Safety is more than separation from danger. It is finding a place where you are loved, accepted, and cherished. Where body, soul, and spirit can thrive. THAT is the kind of safety we must seek to provide.

As always, reading this reading plan really hits home…  Those of us that have been through the abuse, not only as a child but as an adult, can truly step into that little girls shoes…  At first while I read this, and came to the part where he didn’t see ahead that she would be afraid of a man being in the room with her during her examination baffled me, then I understood; those that haven’t been through the abuse or haven’t been touched by it can’t understand how far and how primal that fear goes.  How a sound, a smell, a feeling or a sight can take you right back into that place of fear. 

I remember the days when a sound, a slammed door even, would trigger me and my body and mind would automatically go on the defensive.  Thankfully I’m not so bad now, although I still hate any doors being slammed, or someone coming in the room with a sour look on their face or looking pissy (I always ask what’s wrong, usually get a ‘nothing’ as an answer lol).  It’s those little things that add up for those of us that have Survived abuse.  I will honestly say that it does take a long time to heal, it isn’t easy, it isn’t fast, we can’t always measure it and so often we tend to go backwards or sideways in our healing, but that’s to be expected!

I’ve always looked at it like a pathway of healing…imagine a stepping stone path, you first come to woods on that path, densely grown and downright scary.  No telling what’s in those woods, what’s watching, the rustle of leaves gets you jumping.  Now, imagine continuing down that path, only to have it fork at times back towards the way you came, almost coming beside the original path you began on!  Then slowly, ever slowly, the path continues and those dense woods become less dense, the sun shines just a little more, the darkness recedes… At times the path still goes back a bit, but thankfully never back to the denseness that we began at!  Again, slowly, you continue down that path, which now has forks and turns that you just aren’t sure of and decisions to make, never sure which path to leave behind, and which way to go.  The good news is that as long as we choose to heal, to go down the paths that are safe and away from the darkness of our path, we will eventually come to the point where the path comes out into the sunshine! 

I can honestly tell you that my Faith in God has brought me through this path and has helped me steer clear of the dense darkness that plagued my past.  It’s made the trek through the turmoil easier, it’s made healing easier, and I’ve never had to do it alone.  I know for me when I went through the abuse I was alone in it, I didn’t have anyone to turn to or to talk to about the abuse, or about how to heal or what to do.  Those that I did talk to seemed to give good advice, but I just couldn’t connect to it.  Healing is hard, letting go of our past and learning to live in the present can be hard too, but it can be achieved!  Through God, He takes our burdens, our past, that darkness, and gives us a chance to heal.  Nope, still not easy, but if you’re anything like me, when has anything really been easy? lol  I can say this though, being healed of our past is worth fighting for…