Refreshment in the Desert

I know that when are going through abuse, we are always running out of strength, we are always drawing from ourselves and wearing out fast.  Reading this just made sense to me in many ways and I wanted to share this with you…

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Lifetime Daily Devotions

Refreshment in the Desert

How blessed is the man whose strength is in Thee,
In whose heart are the highways to Zion!
Passing through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring;
The early rain also covers it with blessings.
They go from strength to strength.

Psalm 84:5-7

How blessed is the man whose strength is in You . . .
Do I seek blessings? Of course.
Am I always sure of the route to take to receive a blessing? No.
Well, here is a route that is guaranteed.
The man who has come to know that You are his strength is a man
who is blessed.

If I have come to know that You are my strength, then in all probability I've been drawing strength from some other source--myself, no doubt--and this "other" strength has disappointed me. It hasn't worked. It hasn't been effective. Perhaps I've tried many avenues seeking to rejuvenate that strength, and, after humiliating failures, frustration, emotional pain, and step-by-sometimes-painful step, I have come to the conclusion that I don't have the strength.

For me this has been a process whereby I have come to know something that I didn't know before. I have arrived at a point of truth and realization: My strength is in You. Therefore I am blessed.

That leaves no room for doubt, for hesitancy, for argument. The question is, If I have come to know that God is my strength, why am I not always blessed? The answer: Because I do not always walk in what I have come to know!

In whose heart are the highways to Zion . . .

Said another way: In whose heart there is a deep desire to walk in Your will.

As the new creature in Christ Jesus that I am, it is my deep desire to walk in Your will. I now have "the laws of God written on my heart," and I "joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man," so this requirement has been met. It was met by You at the cross.

And once again, the man whose deep desire is to walk in Your will is a man who is blessed--unequivocally. This blessing is mine as I commit myself to walk in Your will, trusting in Your strength. And this doesn't mean I will always "perform" perfectly. That isn't what it says. It has to do with my heart's desire.

Passing through the valley of Baca, they make it a spring . . .

The valley of Baca, a desert. This Scripture doesn't identify what the difficulties of the "desert" may be, or how intense, how painful, how lengthy, how wrought with frustration--just difficult circumstances that plunge into my life. I would say that anything, small or large, that I find difficult to handle would qualify, from a small irritation to a devastating, tragic event.
These very difficulties become a source--a spring. But a spring reached only through hardships. This indicates another "process": Difficulties were not always this way for me, but they have become a source. A change takes place. I take another route. I view the difficult times that come into my life differently.

A source. A source of heat is a fire. A source of light is the sun. A source of vegetables is a garden--a source is where something originates. It's hard for me to see "difficulties" as the source where refreshment is going to be found. But I have experienced it, so I bypass the logical deduction and go with what I have come to know as Truth: With Your strength as my strength, desiring Your will in my heart, the desert of hardship becomes for me a spring.

I picture a person gulping water, either on all fours by a riverbed or drinking from a large glass with water spilling over the edges onto his coat--no thought of cost, of whose property the stream is on, of wet clothing--just satisfying the deep thirst.
What happens to a man who drinks deeply from a spring? He is strengthened, refreshed. . . the water ministers to his whole system. And I must keep in mind that the spring is God's power, not mine.

Is this power--this source--capable of meeting my problems? I would be hesitant to answer if I had not experienced this myself. For example: I have never experienced flying in a helicopter, so I can't discuss that with you. I can tell you how I think it might be, based on what I've heard from other people, but I don't know for sure. To experience something means I can speak with some authority on that subject: I know what it is like because I have been there. Well, I have drunk from His cool water when I've been so very tired and thirsty, and I know what happens. I have experienced it. And I assure you, it meets every test.
The early rain also covers it with blessings . . .

I can't think of anything that would communicate more beautifully just how blessed the man is whose strength is in You and whose heart desires Your will than the descriptive phrase "invigorating, early spring rain." Everything about it is so clean, so fresh, so alive. The air is sweet. The birds are singing. The drops of water sparkle on the flowers and trees, and the sky is startlingly blue. I want to take a deep breath and throw back my shoulders, facing with new strength my world. I am refreshed. I am blessed. You have touched my life.

They go from strength to strength . . .

I do not have to be strong. I tap into His strength. Is His strength sufficient? What a ridiculous question! And yet, how often do I, through my behavior, express doubt as to the sufficiency of His strength? I can't "run out" of His strength. When I've exhausted one supply, there's another ready and waiting--it's never-ending. I go from strength to strength.

O Lord, I thank You that the difficulties that come into my life today can be a source of refreshment and peace and joy for me. And how I thank You for my new heart and for the strength that You have given me for meeting every second of this new day.

A SAFE PLACE

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Fostering Hope

8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

When I was growing up, safety was the last thing on my mind. We didn't lock our house, left our car running when we made a quick trip into the store, and walked everywhere without our parents. Not only was my community safe, my home was safe. There were no locks on bedroom doors; no worries about what might happen when my dad came home, or what my mom might be doing in the next room. That's not true for every child. She was 10 when I met her. She still possessed a child's frame, with barely any evidence that she had begun the journey to womanhood. She looked fearful as she entered the exam room, and that fear increased in magnitude when I shut the door. I quickly explained that nothing would hurt, there wouldn't be any shots - assuming that like most kids, her concern was about seeing a doctor. But the look on her face didn't soften. I touched her arm, hoping to reassure her, but she recoiled as if I had punched her. I saw her glance quickly at the male medical student who was with me, and I began to understand her concern.

He and I had reviewed her basic info before the visit - the police report stated that she had been sexually abused by a couple of male family members for the last year. She had finally told her best friend at school, who told the teacher, and now here she was. Safe. At least from our point of view. But safety is not just a location, not just about being in a place where you aren't harmed. It is a state of mind. It is being in a mental place where a door closing doesn't cause your heart to race. It is being able to experience healthy, normal human touch without withdrawing. It is about being able to sleep without wondering when your night is going to be interrupted. Safety is more than separation from danger. It is finding a place where you are loved, accepted, and cherished. Where body, soul, and spirit can thrive. THAT is the kind of safety we must seek to provide.

As always, reading this reading plan really hits home…  Those of us that have been through the abuse, not only as a child but as an adult, can truly step into that little girls shoes…  At first while I read this, and came to the part where he didn’t see ahead that she would be afraid of a man being in the room with her during her examination baffled me, then I understood; those that haven’t been through the abuse or haven’t been touched by it can’t understand how far and how primal that fear goes.  How a sound, a smell, a feeling or a sight can take you right back into that place of fear. 

I remember the days when a sound, a slammed door even, would trigger me and my body and mind would automatically go on the defensive.  Thankfully I’m not so bad now, although I still hate any doors being slammed, or someone coming in the room with a sour look on their face or looking pissy (I always ask what’s wrong, usually get a ‘nothing’ as an answer lol).  It’s those little things that add up for those of us that have Survived abuse.  I will honestly say that it does take a long time to heal, it isn’t easy, it isn’t fast, we can’t always measure it and so often we tend to go backwards or sideways in our healing, but that’s to be expected!

I’ve always looked at it like a pathway of healing…imagine a stepping stone path, you first come to woods on that path, densely grown and downright scary.  No telling what’s in those woods, what’s watching, the rustle of leaves gets you jumping.  Now, imagine continuing down that path, only to have it fork at times back towards the way you came, almost coming beside the original path you began on!  Then slowly, ever slowly, the path continues and those dense woods become less dense, the sun shines just a little more, the darkness recedes… At times the path still goes back a bit, but thankfully never back to the denseness that we began at!  Again, slowly, you continue down that path, which now has forks and turns that you just aren’t sure of and decisions to make, never sure which path to leave behind, and which way to go.  The good news is that as long as we choose to heal, to go down the paths that are safe and away from the darkness of our path, we will eventually come to the point where the path comes out into the sunshine! 

I can honestly tell you that my Faith in God has brought me through this path and has helped me steer clear of the dense darkness that plagued my past.  It’s made the trek through the turmoil easier, it’s made healing easier, and I’ve never had to do it alone.  I know for me when I went through the abuse I was alone in it, I didn’t have anyone to turn to or to talk to about the abuse, or about how to heal or what to do.  Those that I did talk to seemed to give good advice, but I just couldn’t connect to it.  Healing is hard, letting go of our past and learning to live in the present can be hard too, but it can be achieved!  Through God, He takes our burdens, our past, that darkness, and gives us a chance to heal.  Nope, still not easy, but if you’re anything like me, when has anything really been easy? lol  I can say this though, being healed of our past is worth fighting for…

Numbers

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Fostering Hope

I started a new reading plan just a few days ago, “Fostering Hope”, and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes and a rush of emotion every day…  So often we are caught up in our lives, in our situations, in the hell on earth that so many of us have to deal with that we don’t look around us to see those that are in need as well.  Even when we are going through our personal hell as I call it at times, there are still things that we can do to help those around us in need.  Extra clothes that we have that we know we’ll never wear for those that don’t have many or were burned out of their homes…food that we may have gotten from a pantry that we wont eat just sitting there taking up space for those that are hungry and would…a smile or a wave of the hand to acknowledge someone’s existence can brighten up a day of someone that is having it rough…  Sometimes it’s those little things that can mean so much to someone in need…

7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

Isaiah 58:7

NUMBERS

Numbers are an important part of our everyday lives. We use them to help us connect to others on our cell phones, to tell us which seat to sit in on a plane, and to help us find the correct highway. In the world of foster kids, one important number is the number of kids in custody. Thankfully, in my state that number has been declining, from 12,000 a couple of years ago to just about 8,000 today. There are lots of ideas about why the number is declining, and certainly lots of excitement. And there should be.

That said, do not think for one moment that the work with these kids and their families is done, that government agencies no longer needs the community to step up. I would argue the exact opposite. There aren't any fewer families who struggle. Life is difficult. Parenting is hard if there are two of you and you aren't worried about putting gas in the car or the next meal on the table. What if you are a single parent? What if it costs you more for a week of daycare than you earn in a week of work? What if a good day is one where the electricity and the water are both on at your house? Look around you. On your block. At your kids' school. Or the grocery store, or at church. There are hurting people everywhere. People who need to eat, need a ride, need a babysitter. Or perhaps they need the most important thing of all - a friend.

PRAYER FOR ME: Lord, open my eyes to see the needs of those around me. Take away my busy-ness, my pride, my belief that my action or inaction will not make a difference. Give me your compassion. Give me your passion! Break my heart for those who are suffering. Every day. Amen.

Prayer of Deliverance

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Abuse

13 But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O Lord, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.14 Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters.15 Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut her mouth upon me.16 Hear me, O Lord; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.17 And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily.18 Draw nigh unto my soul, and redeem it: deliver me because of mine enemies.

Psalm 69:13-18

Oh how I remember those nights alone, crying, hurting, wishing and praying for someone, anyone to get me away from the abuse, from the hurt and fear, from the situation….  My problem then was that I wasn’t praying to God!  Even after I prayed my heart out to “anyone”, I still felt so alone… I wish I knew then what I do now, that praying to God is so different and so much more fulfilling!  To pray to Him is to bring Him into our situation, to not only not be alone anymore, but a means of strength and peace, and knowing that it’s not only you anymore trying to carry the burden of the situation….

Love That Never Lets You Go

This is something I felt I really needed to share here….It took me a long time to fully understand that God wants our burdens, that it’s ok to hand them over to Him, it took me even longer to actually do so…  We are only human, and I know with me I feel that it’s my problems, I should handle them, but there is such a peace to hand them over to Him and to know that He is carrying them for you, He has much bigger shoulders to do so…

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Lifetime Daily Devotions

Love That Never Lets You Go

He's hurting again, Lord, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's been such a long ordeal. How much can he endure?

She moved out . . . she's gone . . . what did I say? What did I do? God, I tried so hard to be the mother she needed me to be.

How long is this going to go on? I don't think I can endure the loneliness another single day.
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you.

Psalm 55:22

Casting all your anxiety upon Him,
because He cares for you.

I Peter 5:7

What do you do with your burdens? People and circumstances that seem to drain every ounce of your strength, things you would like to give to the Lord but just can't seem to let go of?

God showed me how to give my burdens to Him . . . a simple little exercise, but oh so wonderful to experience. I'd like to share it with you.

You'll need about 30 minutes alone. Gather a few things together from home: an envelope, a piece of paper, a pen, a watch (preferably with a second hand), and a felt-tipped pen. Go buy a helium-filled balloon. Then immediately go somewhere where there are no obstacles, no trees or buildings--maybe a deserted football stadium or a park or a lake.

Take all your paraphernalia with you to the edge of the water or the center of the field. Write about your burden on the balloon with your felt-tipped pen, anything that will help you associate that balloon with your problem. Find a rock about the size of a half-brick, and hold it and the string to your balloon in your hand, lifting it with a straight arm at a 45-degree angle. Heavy, isn't it?

Begin talking to the Lord about your burden--all your thoughts, your fears, the pain, the destroyed dreams. As you are praying, your arm is going to get awfully tired. Keep right on praying. Tell Him everything. Any of the thoughts that you have had--vomit it all out--if there is bitterness, anger, depression--all of it.

By now you're crying, and you can't separate the emotional pain from the physical pain you're experiencing because your arm is hurting so badly. Then, when you cannot hold your arm up another single second, say something like this: "Lord, You have commanded me to give my burdens to You. I can't handle this. It's too much for me. I can't hold onto it any longer. You must take it." Drop the rock, release the string, and watch that burden float up into the heavens--into the open, waiting arms of God.

Thank Him for telling you to give Him your burden--and for taking it. Look at your watch and record the time and date on your piece of paper. Write this: On (date/time), I gave my burden to the Lord. And He took it. (Print that last line.)

Look up into the sky and find that tiny speck. It's His--it is no longer yours. It's not in your hand. He told you to give it to Him, and you did. Now fold your paper and put it in your envelope (where is the balloon? catch one last glimpse of it). Seal it, and on the outside write "GOD" and then the date.

When you get home, get an index card and cut it into strips. On each strip write just the date. Put a strip over the sink, one in your bathroom medicine cabinet by your toothbrush, one on the dash of your car--anyplace where you can glance at it--and thank Him for taking your burden. (Close your eyes and visualize that speck in the sky again.)

Please know that I love you. I understand. Oh, not completely, but I long to help. I pray that this simple exercise will give you peace. Remember, your emotions are not the barometer of peace. KNOWING that He has taken your burden and will handle it with wisdom and loving tenderness is the key to peace. (Remember how that balloon went straight to Him when you released it?)

Think on these things.

Just as my child brings his broken toys
with tears
for me to mend,
I took my broken dreams to God
because He was my Friend.
But then . . . instead of leaving Him
in peace
to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back
and cried,
"How could You be so slow?"
"What could I do, My child?" He said.
"You never did let go."

Faith Mitchner

As I read on my daily readings (I’m a day behind so reading 2 of each reading plan to play catch up…), this was mentioned again and I wanted to share this with you.  Another way of looking at it, a way to help make sense out of the sometimes senselessness that envelopes us….

Trusting Him with My Burdens

God has told me to give Him my burdens, remember?

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you.

Psalm 55:22

I sincerely want to do this. I know He is much more capable than I am when it comes to handling life's problems. He's always present on the scene, able to choreograph circumstances to the best interest of the person for whom I am concerned. I know these things, but do I really trust Him to handle the burdens I give Him?

* * *

I had several sacks to give to the Salvation Army, so I called to ask them to come by, then placed the sacks on the front porch so they could pick them up whether I was home or not.

Thursday was pickup day. But I got my days mixed up and thought they were to come on Wednesday, and when they didn't show up I thought that they had forgotten me and my sacks. I'd go to the door . . . yep! sacks still there. It's raining. Go out and move the sacks. Night came. Will the sacks be safe? Then on Thursday they were late in coming, and so once again I assumed the responsibility for "watching over the sacks." Then they came! I watched them drive away with my sacks in their truck; they had changed hands and were not my burden any longer.

Now I didn't call them a single time to check on those sacks. I trusted them to handle the things I gave them to the best of their ability, and, since they do this kind of work all the time, to do their job well.

The question:

Have I done as much with the burden I have given to the Lord?

Is He capable?

Has it really been "picked up"?

What if it rains?

What will happen when night comes?

Do I trust Him as much as I trusted those men who picked up my sacks?

Oh, I do, Lord, I do! You came at my request. You picked up my burden, put it in Your truck, and drove off. Now I must trust You to work with what I gave to You; and since You do this kind of work all the time, I'm sure You will do it well.

An afterthought:

Leave it to the Lord to use sacks of unwanted
and outgrown clothing to remind me of just
what it means to throw my burdens on Him.

Praying to God for Strength…

I’ve been working on the lists of those that have been murdered due to Domestic Violence…  This is sometimes very hard to do, to see all the names of those that didn’t make it out, especially when it’s a list of a Mother with children…

I’m working on 1997 list atm, and just came across Turan  Avanesian and her 6 children, ages ranging from 4-17, all gone, none of them made it through….  It hurts, it makes me angry, it makes me cry, it makes me disgusted that this still happens!  How anyone can say that Domestic Violence doesn’t affect children???  All of us that have been through it or are going through it and have children know that it does!  But these, these paid the ultimate price….

I pray that God gives me the strength to go through these lists…  It hurts, it is disturbing, but I do feel that it is needed, and feel in my heart that I’m doing the right thing by putting them up and connecting them to those that have pages up and information about their loved ones that they want to share.  I pray for those that have lost their loved ones due to Domestic Violence, I pray for their healing, and that they know God is still there, as hard as that can sometimes be to see.  I also pray while going through these lists that those that are in Domestic Violence situations right now stay safe, and get out alive!  I don’t want to see these names on the lists, I don’t want to see families wiped out by an abuser!  Such a senseless act…. 

Under His Wings

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Lifetime Daily Devotions

The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble. And the Lord helps them, and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked, and saves them, Because they take refuge in Him.
Psalm 37:39,40

If I want...

His salvationHis strength in time of troubleHis helpHis deliverance,
...then I must take refuge in Him. These things are found nowhere else but "under His wings"--in His presence.

Lord, I've never been surrounded by soft wings; I really don't know how that would feel. Maybe like your daddy's lap, or snuggling under the covers when it's awfully cold in the bedroom, or like a feather bed, or sitting in a dark car looking out at a rainstorm that has stopped the traffic.

I can imagine it, though . . . the warmth, the softness, the feeling of safety and security. Why, oh why, do I rush around outside in the angry elements, afraid and struggling, depending on my strength and my wisdom to protect me and mine? I remember You cried one time because people refused to come nestle, to let You take care of them.

Lord, lift Your wings . . .

I'm crawling under.

This is such an important verse that I also found it in my other reading I started today as well!

From YouVersion Reading Plan: Abuse

Abuse can happen in many forms. Physical, emotional and sexual are common expressions of abuse and many people just don't know how to handle it. If you are an abuser, stop it. If you are the victim of abuse, let the words of the Bible guide you as you decide how to handle the relationship with the abuser. If you're in danger, you need to get away immediately. If your abuse is not life threatening or is something in your past that you still struggle with, take some time to meditate on God's Word on this subject.

When we are going through hard times, when we’re going through the abuse, so often we feel totally alone….that’s something I felt while going through the abuse and what I hear from so many Survivors…..I thought I was alone!!!!

The truth is, we’re never fully alone!  We don’t have to go through the pain, the suffering, the anguish all by ourselves, God is there with us through it all.  Turn towards Him for comfort, for your strength, for your shelter from the storms, He is there for you!